Recently I was reunited with my Father. He never left me, I ran away. I ran away from love, acceptance, I ran to a place I thought was safe. A place that included worldly things: money, clothes, music, cars. A place that fulfilled me temporarily. Failed relationships that lasted a few weeks and abusive friendships full of gossip and judgement. My Father called a few times, but I ignored his prompt to renew our relationship. My wedding, the birth of our three children, and the death of close family, all without his help and shoulder to cry on or rejoice with. I became an angry person full of hate for strangers that in my opinion wore the wrong outfit. I became shallow, my bible became People magazine and Star. I worried more about what the stars were wearing than the happiness of my own children and marriage. I lost my ability to love.
Then, last September, I went visit my sister and her family. I had only met my brother-in-law twice and once was at his wedding. He was more of an acquaintance than a family member. I had my doubts about going down to see them. I was angry with with my sister for not living closer to home. I had already angrily come up with a million comebacks for snide remarks that might be made. I fueled up on hate, beef jerky, and Dr. Pepper as I hit the road.
When I pulled up to the curb, my sister came outside with my Father. I wasn't surprised, I knew they were close. I knew she talked to him often, and lived by his rules. At first I was jealous because of his attention to her. She was so kind, and patient and attentive and loving. She radiated all of these traits. They beamed off her like rays of light. When my brother in law came home he too was in possession of all of these attributes and then, I became very sad.
Sadness washed over me because I had missed out. I had missed out on a life of freedom and peace and then a knowing came. A knowing that he never left me and I could have him back. My Heavenly Father could come back into my life right now! All I had to do was surrender to him. Then, joy that took me so high, I thought I would never come down. So, easy!.....or so I thought.
Easy part: Giving my life to Christ
Hard part: My new life and learning to live in it.
You see, as I grow I have had to make changes in my life and relationships. I've had some real struggles and doubts. I do not know the bible front to back. I was scared to put a verse in this post because I was nervous about taking it out of context! I still struggle with hateful feelings and like I said doubt. Not in God, in me. That is why I am starting this blog. I want to connect with people who have traveled this road and gain good advice and knowledge from them. I also want to connect with people who are in my same position. I'm very random with my thoughts and I want to share them with you as they come along. (Buckle up! It may get bumpy!)
If you would like to hear about reaching people through twitter and blogs (and my story about finding the church I attend!), please read my brother-in-law's blog at www.theperkinsblog.net/2010/07/29/god-uses-blogs-and-twitter/.
